Sterren Strand: Eersel is a water park located on a camp ground. My kids call it the “indoor beach” because that’s how it feels. It is a shallow pool with sand and things to climb on. Although my kids have always focused almost completely on the indoor beach there is so much more to this place. It’s a camping place. The Dutch love these places. You pay by the night to pitch a tent and there is entertainment and food on the grounds. It’s really cool and makes for a super easy (and cheap) vacation because you never have to go anywhere. The camping ground is called TerSegelt BTW. There is more to do on the premises but the pool and beach area is called Sterren Strand and that’s what I’ll be focusing on for now. There is also a normal pool with a really great toddler area, a nice beach with slides, a playground and a lake with paddling boats.
I’ll go through it in the order we usually do.
Room 1: The Beach
This is my favorite place to take the kids swimming because they really can do their own thing. The sand and water keep my daughter busy and my son likes to climb and explore. The water is up to my knees at it’s deepest point so they are able to run through it and play on their own. I always bring buckets and shovels and my kids can entertain themselves for hours!
There is also a little play area with sand and no water in the same room.
There was a small cafe inside but this was closed last time I was there and replaced with a machine. There is a touch screen that you can order from and you pay with your pin card. You can order a small selection from the main restaurant. Fried food and sandwiches mostly. The food is delivered and, in my case, left on the counter. I can’t say that I’m happy with this change, honestly. You can’t order drinks and that’s annoying. I do understand, though. Less staff and whatnot. Maybe it will be open during the summer. But we usually bring our own food anyways. I was looking forward to that glass of wine, though!
The really nice thing about Sterren Strand is that you can bring in your own food and sit wherever you want. I look for places like this. It can get so expensive taking the kids out all the time and being able to take a picnic really helps.
Room 2: the pool
The pool is separated completely and it’s nearly impossible for little kids to go from one room to another without help. There are 2 ways to go from one room to another. The quick way is through a little bath. You open a door and step down into a small pool (that goes up to my waist) and come out into a shower room and lead into the pool. The door is difficult to open so I don’t worry about my kids finding their way in. The second way to get into the pool is to leave the beach area and go down a small hallway. You will be led into a room full of changing rooms and go through into the pool. There are also lockers you can rent for 1 Euro but you get that back.
The pool itself is a pretty basic one. Stairs going in and one depth. I’m 5 feet 2 inches and it comes to my neck.
The toddler pools are really great. There are 3 connected pools of different depths, a slide and a little water fall mushroom thing. This area is completely fenced in with a heavy door and a high handle. This was the first place I took both kids swimming without my husband because of this gate. I didn’t have to worry about one of my kids running off into the big pool while I was trying to keep track of the other.
There is a big tube slide but my kids aren’t that adventurous yet.
There is also a hot tub!
The outside beach:
The outside is a day out all by itself! The beach is really nice with lots to do. Its very clean as well and big enough so that it never really feels cramped. There are slides into the water as well and also a bouncy mountain.
There is a second lake with no beach but there are pedal boats and I think they do other water sports there occasionally.
There are 3 options for food. The little kiosk in the beach room, the main restaurant, and a fry shop.
The main restaurant looks really nice. It’s super cozy and inviting. There is also a good sized play area with a mini cinema. Disneys Cars was playing the last time I was there. The patio is also really cool. There is a fire pit and couches. It overlooks a lake.
There is also a little fry shop close. It’s only open on busy days or during the summer.
My kids always have a blast there when we go. I even had my daughters second birthday party there and everyone had a great time. On that day there was face painting. This has happened often when we have been here, especially on the weekends. Because they want to keep the kids entertained and happy they have kids activities. Balloon animals, face painting, scavenger hunts, rock wall climbing (they have a rock wall in the beach room but it is often closed because it requires staff) . I honestly never know if there is an activity or not so when there is it always feel extra magical.
I will warn you though, it is hot as hell inside. Don’t forget to bring beach clothes for yourself. Even if you don’t plan to swim. Even if its the dead of winter and it’s a pain to pack something else because it probably already feels like you packing for a continental move. Seriously, throw some shorts and a tank in the bag. You may even want to bring a bathing suit (or costume depending on what version of English you speak) that water may get pretty inviting!
Some Helpful Information:
BTW: This is what my hair does if left to itself! I had swimming with the kids all afternoon. There is no controlling it, I’ve given up.
Looking for more indoor and outdoor places to take the kids?
I rarely come across a place that I know we have to have year passes for but Billy Bird: Hemelrijk is one of them. We also have year passes for Dierenrijk: Nuenen, Toverland Amusement Park, and Ballorig: Veldhoven. Seems like a lot but they all fulfill different purposes on our outings. Toverland is a pretty grand outing, Dierenrijk is always a fun family day and we practically live at Ballorig. At the end of April was the day I added Billy Bird to the list and we went back again the very next week. The light switch moment about the year passes for me came a few years ago when my house was completely over run with toys and we were always playing at a park somewhere. So I asked the grandparents to start sending money for the kids for holidays instead of toys and it was worked out beautifully. The money pays for the year passes, the kids have fabulous outings and my house stays clean. Everyone wins!
What impressed me most about Billy Bird is that is is an all weather outing. My rule for year passes is that it has to have an indoor play area. There is no shortage of parks and outdoor spaces so we like to switch that up. Indoor play places are much more difficult to find. Extra bonus points for a place that has both.
Billy Bird is a lovely beach lake with indoor and outdoor playgrounds and even a small roller coaster. The first time we went it was a typical Dutch spring day (meaning close to miserable). It would rain on and off, nothing to really be annoyed about but the sun wouldn’t come out. The kids had a blast at the outdoor playgrounds and then we moved to the indoor play places for lunch. At the end of the day the sun started to peek out so we had a nice time exploring the castle (yep you read that correctly). We went back the very next week on an amazingly warm sunny day. We spent the entire time on the beach building sandcastles and playing in the water. We didn’t even step one foot off that beach for the 5 hours we were there. I was kinda amazed actually.
So Billy Bird:
To get in you walk through a little building and either buy your ticket or show your year passes. When you pass through the first thing you see is the beach. It’s really long with nice clean sand and surrounded by grass. There is a dock that can be rented out for parties and a deck area with lounge chairs that can be rented for the day.
At the right of the lake as you walk in is the castle. It’s huge. There are slides hidden throughout it and it gives great views of the park. I will say it was a bit nerve wracking with my fearless three year old and the lack of railing at some places but we survived.
There is also a huge water slide! You sit in a raft bit will probably get a little wet. There are peddle boats you can borrow to take you around the lake and some really crazy fitness equipment that felt so random but we had loads of fun playing on. There is also a little nature path through the woods.
Walk around the lake and you will come to a large building. This contains the restaurant, ice cream shop and the largest indoor play area.The restaurant is cafeteria style and has some pretty typical Dutch foods. Nothing special there. Pretty standard alcohol selection as well, but you can bring your own!! The play area is pirate themed and it’s pretty great. No problem the kids could spend a rainy afternoon here! There is also a large separate space for the little kids at the back.
Further around the beach you will find the entrance to the “kids zone”. The first building is the new “ball fabriek” this means ball factory in English. this is a really cool space. It’s full of balls (like from a ball pit) and things to do with them. Air guns, buckets on string sucky things that lead to other places. It’s hard to describe but a blast for kids. There are also some tables in this building and a small food shop. The ball fabriek was brand spanking new when we were there and the shop wasn’t finished so I’m not sure exactly what they will serve but I update the blog when I know more.
Further on you have the outdoor play area. There is TONS to do. A play circus where the kids can, you know, play circus. And bumper cars, a pedal powered monorail, teacups a small roller coaster and all the other standard playground equipment. In the warmer months there are also pedal boats that go around a lazy river. Honestly, this section of the park would entertain my kids for a day all on it’s own.
Be warned… most of these rides are parent powered.
You can bring in your own food. There are loads of picnic tables and plenty of space for blankets. We ate our picnic lunch upstairs in the play area. They even have these super cute little grills you can rent for the day but you can’t bring in your own food to grill. You buy a grilling “kit”. There are selections for different prices per person. For a big family day or group event this would be pretty perfect, and they have a vegetarian option so thats pretty cool. This is the link that will take you directly to that page on their site (in Dutch I’m afraid). BBQ in the park
It’s a really great place. It’s in Uden about 30 minutes outside Eindhoven, very close to Hullie Speelboerderij: Uden in fact, so not to far. I really recommend it. Your kids will not be disappointed!
Some Practical Information:
The year pass. Seriously. They get cheaper the more passes you buy. For instance a family of 4 costs less individually than a single person. And if you have the passes automatically deducted from you account every year it’s cheaper than if you don’t. A family of 4 people costs 23.50 per person for the whole year. So if you go twice in a year you have covered the cost of the card. They will deduct the days entry price from the year pass so you can go, check it out and then upgrade without being out anything. And parking it the one flat fee of 3 Euros with the card. Amazing, right!? It was very easy to justify upgrading to the year pass for me especially considering how much I pay per day entry to other beaches like Witven Lake and Beach: Veldhoven. Odds are that I will still end up there over the summer because it’s so darned close to my house but Billy Bird will pretty much take over the beach role for us from now on.
Looking for more outdoor fun:
If there is one thing I love about the Dutch it’s their willingness to let their kids get dirty. Probably not all Dutch, I’m possibly over generalizing but I think that the fact that there are mud pits in most playgrounds and play forests everywhere says something about the general laid back attitude of the culture. I was never dirty! I wore frilly dressed and white shiny shoes that were not to get scuffed as a kid. My kids seem to constantly look like a pack of wild, dirty children straight out of Lord of the Flies. I love it! But anyway, the Dutch do messy play very well and Oisterwike Bossen en Vennen is the perfect example. De Oisterwijkse is a nature reserve about 30 minutes outside of Eindhoven in a town called…wait for it… Oisterwijkse, easy right? Bosssed en Vennen translated to forest and streams. This sums it up perfectly, its a nature reserve with a forest and streams in Oisterwijkse. But let me tell you, this place is special.
I have actually been here twice. The first time was with a friend and her 3 amazing daughters. We found the playground and got distracted with some epic teepee building in the woods. The visitors center wasn’t open so we didn’t think to go to the other side of the building. We had a really lovely day, don’t get me wrong, but I was honestly thinking that it really didn’t seem worth the drive. I have a local Speelbos (play forest) that is just as good. Little did I know!
I went with a different friend this past weekend and her 3 super fun boys and got to see more of the park. We started out in the same playground as the first time. It’s a nice little playground, it really is. But all I’m thinking is “why did I come back here? We could have cut the drive in half and gone to Bosschuur De Meren . Oh wait, because I had completely forgotten the name of the place the last time I was here. Damn”. Or something like that. I mentioned this to my friend and she told me that there was much much more. She has very good taste in kids places so I relaxed a bit and waited.
The playground I’m talking about is just down the path leading from the parking lot on the left . Right across from the visitors center. I promise you can’t miss it. The nice thing about starting your outing here is that this is where the picnic tables are.
After the first round of food and some playtime we went into the visitors center. Mostly because everyone had to pee. But then the kids got distracted by the play area and were lost. We took the opportunity to have a beer, so all was right with the world. The visitors center is really nice. There is a lovely cafe with an above average Dutch menu and reasonable prices. We didn’t eat but the food being delivered around us looked really amazing. The space is also really comfortable and there is a killer patio. The play area is a tree house style cabin and basement with nature related games and videos. There is also a little play area with different games, puzzles and books. The kids were entertained for a long time.
When everyone had peed and we had finished our adult beverage we left through the side door and walked toward the back of the building. Down the path is where the real magic starts. This is nature play at it’s best (or at least the best I have ever seen). There is a pump at the top of a small hill that feeds into a pool of water. There is a bridge but the the real attractions are the stone path that crosses a narrow spot and the huge felled (fallen? I think felled is right based on a quick google search) that goes across a bit of the water.
So my American parents are freaking out. Yes, this place can be dangerous. The water isn’t deep but it’s deep enough to drown in, for sure. All the kids are running around like feral children. I saw one kid walking around with a huge hunting knife! To be fair he was an older kid who was using it to cut branches, but still. He also sharpened a stick for my son so I had to brace myself for my wild child running recklessly through a wooded area holding a very sharp stick (thanks, dude). The boys fought over that stupid sharp stick for ages (again, thanks…). It’s still in my living room. It is now a treasure.
As horrible as it sounds, nothing really bad is going to happen, knock wood. I had to really learn this. I was a helicopter parent with my first and found it just to exhausting. I think there are scraped knees and some bruises but really not much more. Kids are tough. Let them try.
I love these places. I love the imagination based play that they inspire. I love that kids have a relatively safe place to push the limits of their bodies discover how amazing nature can be. I love that they can get super muddy and wet and it’s fine. All the love.
We ended our outing with a little walk though the woods. It’s a small path that goes in a circle. It was nice. Fun was had by all and I had the opportunity to feel very good about my parenting because I was exposing them to nature thereby offsetting the hours of tv they watched the previous day (or some other mommy guilt parenting craziness) .
It was a very good day. I can’t wait to go back and I highly suggest everyone check it out. The kids will LOVE it.
And also, go there without kids! They have a high tea that looked really freaking great. The terrace is really awesome and you can’t beat the environment. I would totally have a adult only lunch or tea there. The actual grounds are really big. You could get a group together and start at the visitors center, go for a long nature walk and end it with lunch or tea. Hmmm.
Some Helpful info:
Looking for other places to play in nature?
My son had a study day and I always try to make those a little special. I decided to give the Speelgoed Museum in Oosterhout a try. For the Americans out there a study day is basically a teacher in service day and they happen every other month or so. I like the fact that we have what I consider a sneaky day off mid week when all the other littles are in school so things aren’t horrifically busy.
I decided on a museum because we have our museum cards that we haven’t used in a while. Do you know about the museum card? It’s magic you can read about it here: The Museum Card
I’m not gonna lie this super special outing got off to a rocky start. I had looked at so many museums that I didn’t realize that this one didn’t open till 1:00 in the afternoon and most open at 10:00 am so we were in the car super early before I realized my mistake. So we were already in the car and I thought “well, we will find somewhere to eat close by and wait for them to open”. I didn’t realize that the toy museum was in a small town and NOTHING was open during the day. But it was OK. I found a playground that we played at for a while and then we went to the Market Square and found a place to eat. I even bought the commemorative plastic bear cups filled with ice cream because I was feeling very “spoil my kids on this grand day out”. And secretly (not so secret now) I always giggle at the idea of my kids eating ice cream out of a severed head. Kinda “I will feast on ice cream out of the heads of my enemies” kinda thing. Yes, oh yes, I can be dark and I love horror movies. Anyways……..
We finally made it to the The Speelgoed Museum in Oosterhout. First impressions was that the place is adorable, everything about is ridiculously cute. The people who work there are all older people and I’m pretty sure volunteers. They were very sweet and and it totally gave me an excuse to speak Dutch.
The kids are given papers with pictures of things they can find within the museum and are encouraged to go on a scavenger hunt. My kids were not impressed but I like the idea of of it and the older kids there that day seemed to enjoy filling in their cards.
The museum itself is a series of connected rooms with toys behind glass. My kids weren’t that impressed, honestly. They ran though the tiny museum on about 5 minutes. Every now and then something would catch one of their eyes and I would hear a delighted squeal of “OH, look at that!!” but that was about it.I would have loved to have taken a closer or longer look at things. There were some older women in their reliving their childhood like crazy. It was super adorable.
The little cafe was cute, you can get drinks but not really food but the website said you could bring your own. Honestly I don’t know how someone would spend long enough there that a packed lunch would be required but it’s good to know that you can bring in a snack or something. Speaking of snacks and drinks: I was given a coffee or tea and the kids were each given a ranja with a cake and sprinkles. All included in the admission costs. I actually felt kinda bad because I used my museum card but I got over that quickly.
This is the Dutchiest kid thing ever btw. You take a piece of bread or cake, cover it in margarine and pour on candy of some kind. The margarine acts as a “glue”.
There is an indoor and outdoor play area. My kids were kept well entertained for ages! Inside there is a little play castle filled with toys. There are all kind of games to play. board games, Scrabble, Connect 4, my kids and I played Twister. It was really fun. The outside area has a large chess set and bikes and such. There was plenty for any age group to find entertaining.
So my verdict on the Speelgoed Museum is overall good. The actual museum wasn’t interesting for my kids but I would have loved to have had the option to have a really good look around. I would love to take them back when they are a bit older and we can play more games. In my kids mind I took them to a fun place to play and that makes it perfect.
Some Helpful Info:
OK. Thats about it. It was a grand day out!
Want to check out some other cool Dutch museums?
De Vossenberg Speelboerderij: Tilburg is an indoor softplay with a great outside play area in Tilburg. Sounds scary to people living in Eindhoven but really it’s only like 30 minutes away from me. I have a real love hate relationship with Vossenberg. First let me say that the place is amazing. There is so much to do and a wide range of activities. The staff is so super friendly and the beer menu is respectable. My kids adore the place. So what’s with the hate, you ask?
Parental involvement. Yep. This isn’t a place to take the kids if you want them to go play and leave you alone for a few hours. This place requires some work.
The inside area has two levels, the ground floor is a very good sized soft play. It will keep the kids entertained for hours with no problem. This is also where all the seating is. The nice thing about Vossenburg is the the softplay sits in one half of the building and the tables at the other so there aren’t kids running berserk through the tables constantly. There is also a fair amount of space between tables so when the place is packed it doesn’t fee claustrophobic.
The “little kids” area is really good. The walls aren’t high so you do have to worry about your precious little ones escaping while you are tying to enjoy your adult time.
The outside has a really great playground. Loads to do including trampolines, a sand pit and traditional play ground equipment. This is a really nice feature Vossenberg, they have an indoor and outdoor play area. Most places have one or the other.
The second level…..
The dreaded second level…..
Honestly this is what sets Vossenburg appart from all the other softplays. This is why my kids beg to go, repeatedly. This is what makes this place so special. This is why it’s never my first choice…..
Craft and building……
There is a room with tables, There is a bin with pre cut bits of wood. There are hammers. There are nails. You get the idea, right? I’m constantly “helping” my kids build birdhouses, sculptures and other random bits of crap that the will fall in love with. There is another table with paint so the kids can paint their creations (or cardboard or paper). To be fair, there is staff everywhere. They are super sweet and helpful and make sure everyone is safe. There are painting shirts for the kids to put on so that they don’t get messy. They have done everything they can to help make this a magical experience. And it is. My son actually calls it the “birdhouse place”.
It’s an amazing thing, really. But I’m not that good with the hammer and nails. And, not to call myself a lazy parent, but I’m pretty lazy. I take my kids out so they can have a play and I can read or, heaven forbid, have a grown up chat with another parent. Actually, that probably makes me lazy but I’m fine with that. So I take the kids to Vossenburg and they have a ridiculously amazing time. I try to limit the amount of sculptures or birdhouses to one per trip and everyone has a magical family outing.
Food and drinks:
Typical Dutch food. Nothing special but not bad either. The chicken nuggets are recognizable. I find it sad that I now judge all play places on the likelihood that my kids will cry when the see the nuggets on offer. There isn’t really anything healthy, and heaven forbid vegan, on offer for the grownups.
There is a respectable beer menu, though and that kinda saves the day. The have La Trappe Puur. It’s an organic Belguim Pilsner that I enjoy very much.
Definitely put it on you list. The kids will go crazy and if you are the building type so will you. And if not, just remember that they will play for a while as well. And think of the fond memories the kids will have every time you see all those damned birdhouses all over your house because the kids love them so much they must stay forever.
Some Practical Info:
I spent the last 2 weeks in the US visiting family. It was a wonderful time spent playing with kids, hanging out with family and all around enjoying life. In the back of my mind I was always thinking how much I loved home. I have lived in The Netherlands for nearly 10 years and I love it. As I was visiting the US I was constantly contrasting the US VS The Netherlands and The Netherlands was always the victor.
No Play areas in restaurants? Where we live…….
Constantly chasing your kids with disinfectant? In The Netherlands……….
UUGGHH! all this traffic! Do you know about our……….
It goes on and on (and probably in the opinion of my family, on and on and on and on).
I love it here. It’s great. I have chosen to call this little country home forever and I felt a bit superior about it all.
Then we came home. I was standing in Schipol and everyone around me was speaking Dutch.
Honestly, the reality of my struggles hit me like a ton of bricks. My life is amazing and I love it, but I suppose I had grown accustomed to being outside. My Dutch is passable but I struggle. No matter what a Dutch person will tell you (because they are, on the whole, a very accepting and amazing people) the language is a problem. Surprise, right!?!
I had spent 2 weeks in a world where strangers would chit-chat with me. Not just realize that I didn’t speak Dutch, repeat themselves in English and then move on. While in the US I had communicating with people on a level that I was very unaccustomed to. And it was so nice. Random things like what I was drinking and where I bought my pants were possible. I guess it had been so long that I had forgotten, but as I was standing in the airport waiting on my bags, after having been gone for what felt like an eternity, I realized how different things were from the outside.
Fast forward about 36 hours.
This is the basic skills test for Fresh Meat.
Spoiler Alert: I failed.
I struggled. But in the whole I thought I did pretty well with the basic skating.
After it was all said and over I met with the RockCity Roller who was judging my performance and who would decide if I passed or failed. I failed.
The heart of what she told me was this: I am timid and looked to other people. I seemed unsure about what I was doing and needed to grow in confidence before I could proceed. There were skating issues in there as well but I felt all these were pretty minor. She said my balance was good, I was fast (26 laps in 5 minutes, baby!!) and that I was good on my skates but I looked unsure of myself all the time.
I was reminded of my sons judo instructor a few years ago. He said the same thing: he said a million positive things about my son and there was the but….. he looks to others before he does things, he is always one step behind, he is just a bit slower than the other kids, he is extra timid…. He felt like I should have him tested for all kinds of learning difficulties. My reaction was: of course he looks to the other kids, of course he is a step behind, of course he struggles, HE DOESN’T SPEAK DUTCH VERY WELL!!!
I can’t ask the people at Derby to speak English with me at practices, it’s their country and I am alone in my inability to speak the language.
I am jet lagged and haven’t slept in longer than I can remember.
So what do I take from all of this? my life would be easier in the US, but it is better here.
I struggle every day to fit in and I don’t see that ending any time soon.
I wrote this months ago but never published it. I don’t honestly know why. I think I was having such a hard time readjusting that I just couldn’t.
I am publishing it now because I feel like its important and worthwhile to share some of the struggles of being an expat.
I really love my life and I am working on my Dutch and making my voice heard. I have decided to speak up in derby and really ask when I don’t understand something. They have been very cool about this, like the totally awesome Dutchies they are.I have moved on to the next level of training (but that is a post for another day).
Since writing this I have also made a few more Dutch friends and have renewed my commitment to making a life here.
I read this now and feel the pain and the struggle that I felt in those first few days back. On one hand I’m sorry I didn’t publish it then but on the other I am very happy that I can add this at the end.
I learned a lot from this experience.
So I consider myself a pretty crunchy mom. Cloth diapering (mostly), vegan (mostly), cosleeping, breastfeeding, organic eating, totally non GMO, home made as much as possible, baltic amber wearing, daily yoga (mostly), oil cleansing method and I totally have a salt lamp in every room. Like I said pretty crunchy. On the scale from modern prepackaged living to unshaven Earth mother I feel like I have reached a happy (and maintainable) middle ground.
Then there is Aunt Flo. Every month I would use horrible plastic pads (I have always hated tampons and refused to use them) and every month I lament the waste, the damage to the environment and the plastic and chemicals I am putting against my most sensitive of lady bits. About 2 years ago I decided that I needed to change my non crunchy period ways and go with something more sustainable.
Hello Diva Cup.
Everything I had read had been amazing. It was changing women’s lives! Everyone loves theirs. What could go wrong?
It sat in the box for 6 months. I finally tried it once, it leaked. Back to the box.
Then, one day, I was talking to a friend and Aunt Flo came up in conversation. Once again, this was the best thing ever! How am I not using it? It’s a total period deal changer.
Back out of the box. Perhaps I judged it to harshly the first time. We all have to get used to things. Maybe I needed to use it for a few days and get used to it. After all, everyone else on the planet loves theirs.
First day I was very impressed, actually. It did leak a little, but overall I felt very positive and optimistic about having a brighter future where being a chick doesn’t totally suck for a few days every month.
The next morning everything went wrong. THE DAMN THING WOULD NOT COME OUT. Slippery, weird angle, and that little tiny post with the little tiny ridges is simply impossible to grab hold of. So there I am, on the toilette trying to extract a little plastic shot glass out of my girly parts. My kids in the next room watching Peppa Pig or something equally mind numbing. All kinds of thoughts went through my mind at that moment. None of them were panicky, yet. I abandoned efforts for a moment to regroup and breath. At this moment I thought that maybe standing up and jumping up and down would help. It did not. I actually considered tweezers but I couldn’t find them. I have a small pair of needle nose pliers in the kitchen I use to debone fish, hmmmm. OK. Time to google.
I rejoined my children on the couch, phone in hand, and started to consult the greatest wealth of information in the history of the world. The advise ranged from worth a try to downright scary. Shower and squat down, have a partner go in for an extraction, crochet hook (yikes), masturbation in the hope that the contractions would help dislodge it, I went with the shower. The other advise seemed horrific and I needed a shower anyway.
I did what the good people in the internet said to do, because one should always do what the good people of the internet tells one to do. Squat and go in after it. Nope. Again, the little bastard would not come out. So I’m standing there in the shower regretting every life decision I have ever made because they had all led me to this point. How did I allow this to happen? So this was how I was going to spend my day? Random trips in to the bathroom in an attempt to remove this stupid thing from my girl bits all ending with a trip to the hospital (because that wouldn’t be uncomfortable at all). Great. Lovin life. Then I hear my daughter banging on the door screaming that she had to pee. Ok. What now?
Get dressed and start to panic. Message a friend who attempts to calm me down. Open a beer. So this is me at 10:00 am: sitting on the floor of the living room playing with my kids, trying hard not cry, and drinking a beer and having a texting conversation with my friend about my inability to remove my Diva Cup. I have an alien object wedged into my naughty bits and I had no clue how to proceed from here.
I finished my beer and decided to go in for another attempt. I gave myself a pre toilette pep talk in the mirror, did some deep breathing in an attempt to relax and went in.
Victory! Stupid plastic little thing! You will not win! I’m in charge here!
But because I never seem to learn a lesson the first time I let my very dear friend and total Diva Cup fan talk me into giving it another try. After all, I’m still learning. These things take time. Happens to everyone.
So I spent the rest of the day at home playing with my kids in total domestic bliss. Every now and then I would giggle a bit at my silliness of the morning. Pliers, really? What was I thinking? I can’t believe I panicked like that! Such, such silliness.
After all, these things happen. I went the rest of the day without incident.
Skip ahead to later that night. I’m still wearing the thing. I’m at a friends house, the same friend who had convinced me to keep trying. I stood up and noticed that the stupid little thing had leaked. a lot. Pants possible ruined.
Seriously. I’m done.
I love that people love their Diva Cup. I’m so happy for them. But, just no.
Back to the box.